Medicated Momma

The medication I'm on now gives me about 6 hours per day where I am coherent and functional. All for a supposed "ear infection" and "stress headache". Part of me wonders if it's because they know I'm so frustrated I need to be kept doped up to keep from snapping and snapping someone's neck like Arnold Schwartzenegger in Commando. Remember the guy on the plane, who was "dead tired"? Yeah, some days here lately that looks like something I wouldn't mind doing.
Don't get me wrong, please. I am so far from a random act of violence type of person. I love helping people, I rescue run away dogs on a regular basis and find their owners, I counsel my friends about fertility as I'm kind of an expert on the subject after struggling with my own at one point- I do whatever I can, whenever I can, to make people happy. But I am just so freaking SICK of all the complete idiot TOOLBAGS running around that sometimes I feel like the world would be smarter without these people mucking up the human race. Is that so bad?

Woke up dead

Thanks to autocorrect, the title isn't completely true, yet, but I decided to keep it anyway. What really happened is I woke up deaf. This is my first day of almost complete hearing loss. I've been one ear or the other but today... On one side it's just ringing and on the other it's Charlie Brown's teacher. "wa wa WA wa WA wa". What???
This is getting ridiculous. Now, after two months of miserable, agonizing pain and tests, they determine I have an ear infection. Two weeks ago there wasn't one, and the pain was there long before that, but now magically there it is. These doctors are so stupid.

Say Yes

Today on Say Yes to the Dress is a woman getting married and her mom died of cancer when she was little so she obviously wasn't there. It was so emotional. Dying before my kids are grown is my biggest fear. Of course my youngest was in the room so I had to hide the fact that I just started bawling.

Help! I married a misogynist!

Really no clue what I'm doing or where this revelation is supposed to take me, but it has just come to light that my husband, with the exception being myself and our daughters, hates women. HATES them. His own words. I assume his addendum of "except for you and the girls" was supposed to make it all ok, I'm supposed to be relieved and say "well all right then" and go on like I am not seriously insulted. How can you say you hate an entire species except for me, when everything I am and have been in the past 15 years we've been together, is the epitome of all he proclaims to hate?? I knew he didn't like most of my friends, and I knew he never really said much to women in general unless he had to, but until today just made me think he thought I really was just the best so he didn't need to be friends with any other women.
I've given everything I had to this man since I was 20 years old. Followed him around the country, left and returned a few times after he swore he didn't want to be without me, but now?? I feel like a pretty god damn worthless pile of crap.
I should have seen it coming. The other day I told my girls how lucky they were their parents were still crazy about eachother, and he said "well, no couple is perfect". I let it go, because it's true, but now it's nagging me. Why would he say it right then? I'm over-evaluating everything again, the way all women apparently do, which, by the way is one of the many reasons he hates us- I mean them. Not me. Right

Hate not knowing.

My son is still sick. Five days now since it started, the pain medications and antibiotics just don't seem to be working for him. He was okay after the hospital (morphine day) and all day yesterday seemed like he was doing better, but last night there it was again. The pain is still breaking through both the Tylenol 3 and motrin, and now he is asleep in my bed (the only place he seems able to get even an hour (thank you Christmas Memoryfoam topper).

I know it might be premature to really worry... and really I know that statistically the odds are that it's just something relatively minor, but really, I'm pretty concerned.

What if the strep was the result of something else and they just stopped looking a moment too soon?

What if???

Nothing worse

There is nothing in the world worse than a child suffering, and when it's your own child, it just magnifies it by like 1000x.

On Monday, my son (who is 10) began complaining of a headache. I didn't take much stock in it since it wasn't that horrible I figured he'd just tweaked it in his sleep or something. Tuesday, he is in a lot more pain so I call the doc and make an appt, because he's now having neck trouble and I was concerned about possible meningitis. I take the girls to school and head to the clinic. The doc (our normal pediatrician who sees the boy on a monthly basis for ADD) checks him out and decides it's a virus and prescribes Tylenol and sends us home. The rest of the day every 3 hours the poor boy is screaming and crying in pain. The Tylenol isn't working.

We managed to get through the night and head back to ER this morning after I drop the girls at school. They can definitely tell he is in a lot of pain, so right off the bat they give him an IV with fluids and morphine and draw some blood. A while later they came back and inform me that his white blood count is 21- too high typically for just a virus. Even though he didn't have a horribly sore throat, the doctor decided to do a strep test to rule that out and then if that was negative we would look at "other concerns". After what my family went through with Samantha and her cancer, it is my biggest fear so of course my blood ran cold. I did my best to put on a brave face for my son but inside I was screaming, "Not my son!". Unfortunately I know too well that bad things don't just happen to other people anymore, and that lightning CAN strike the same family over and over. I think the doctor understood this and she could do nothing to reassure me yet.

One of the longest hours of my life waiting for that test result.

THANKFULLY- she came running into the room an hour later with a smile on her face and said excitedly "It's strep!". I believe her fears were the same as mine because the mutual relief between us was pretty palpable. Another hour of IV antibiotics and more waiting for this and that and after 6 hours in a 6x6 cell- I mean blessedly private room (a rare commodity in the ER)- we were free to go with prescriptions for Tylenol3, Penicillin, and Motrin in hand.

Tonight the boy is resting comfortably, playing his DS while the girls stay away so they don't get his germs and I am resting too, still riding the little bit of high leftover from my special tweet last night, waiting for the People's Choice Awards.

Oh also I sort of kind of found out when my husband is coming home, but it wasn't good enough news to make my day better, so, whatever to that.

Every day. Every day.

So I am told I need to blog every day. I'm also doing a 365 day photo project and I've found that things I am supposed to do every day make it that much less desirable to do them. However I've ALSO found that if I DON'T do them every day, like exercise, the next thing I know 6 months has gone by and I'm thinking, shit has it really been that long?

Therefore, here I am. Talking to crickets.

Speaking of crickets, I really am interested in learning what that game entails. On twitter probably a good half of the people I follow are from UK and I sincerely WANT to know what they are talking about but so much of it is about their sports, and I'm bad enough at following American sports! I don't know though, that country has always fascinated me, I'm in love with it even though I've never been (hopefully this year will change that!) and I am enjoying learning from my new UK twitter friends what different things mean. It can get pretty confusing. The other day someone I follow was talking about a man having a row with his dog. Naturally, the mental picture created for me was a lovely little stroll down a riverside with a man in a boat taking his dog down the river. It has been since explained that no, the man was more likely screaming at the dog. Totally different picture. I am very much enjoying this.

Well I suppose that's enough for now. Take care, my crickets, until tomorrow.