Thursday, May 28, 2015

My Divorce Bucket List

My marriage of 17 years is, after a long terminal illness, finally ending- for real this time. It hurts but what hurt more was knowing we'd both been unhappy for so long, and we are ending on as good of a note as any marriage possibly can end. There is no hatred, no blame, no one person at fault. It just is. 
Now my attention is turning to my future. Apart from living arrangements and financial issues which are being dealt with, I've decided I need a divorce bucket list. Things I've always wanted to do that I couldn't with him, or things totally I like me to help me figure out who I am as a grown up. I've been with the same man since I was 20 years old. We grew up together, and I have no idea who I am without him. It's time to discover that person, because I have a feeling she's pretty awesome. 

My Divorce Bucket List

Take a class. Something totally random and outside my comfort zone. Maybe cooking or a craft, not sure yet. 

Volunteer at a food kitchen or homeless shelter. Do something to help people. I'm a firm believer in doing things that bless other people without requiring anything in return. It makes me feel good. 

Travel to somewhere my ex never wanted to go. Maybe Italy, maybe New York, maybe just be like that guy on Yes, Man and go to the airport and pick the first flight out. Just GO. 

Flirt. Well, first I need to learn to flirt. Then flirt. 

Buy my own car. In this instance it just means become financially secure enough to finance my existing car into my own name instead of his, but I do love my car.

Do something completely spontaneous and big. Enjoy the fact that don't have to ask permission. 

Maybe- just maybe- eventually give myself permission to love again, but this time be much pickier about who gets it, and that said recipient is able to return the feelings in the way that I deserve and demand. 

Buy myself flowers. At least once or twice a month. My ex got it in his head that I don't like flowers. I may have said that once because I don't like wasting money on things that die, but I do love flowers and I deserve them. 

Spend money on myself. A haircut, or a pedicure or a new outfit, whatever. I never liked to waste "his" money on things for me because everyone else came first. I deserve some "me". 

Decorate my new home as girly as I want. Because I can. Yay for not having to ask permission! 

Work my butt off to get my credit score above 700. This is a much more serious and practical one, of course, but quite necessary. 

This list will grow as I think of more things.