Friday, January 13, 2012

Hate not knowing.

My son is still sick. Five days now since it started, the pain medications and antibiotics just don't seem to be working for him. He was okay after the hospital (morphine day) and all day yesterday seemed like he was doing better, but last night there it was again. The pain is still breaking through both the Tylenol 3 and motrin, and now he is asleep in my bed (the only place he seems able to get even an hour (thank you Christmas Memoryfoam topper).

I know it might be premature to really worry... and really I know that statistically the odds are that it's just something relatively minor, but really, I'm pretty concerned.

What if the strep was the result of something else and they just stopped looking a moment too soon?

What if???

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Nothing worse

There is nothing in the world worse than a child suffering, and when it's your own child, it just magnifies it by like 1000x.

On Monday, my son (who is 10) began complaining of a headache. I didn't take much stock in it since it wasn't that horrible I figured he'd just tweaked it in his sleep or something. Tuesday, he is in a lot more pain so I call the doc and make an appt, because he's now having neck trouble and I was concerned about possible meningitis. I take the girls to school and head to the clinic. The doc (our normal pediatrician who sees the boy on a monthly basis for ADD) checks him out and decides it's a virus and prescribes Tylenol and sends us home. The rest of the day every 3 hours the poor boy is screaming and crying in pain. The Tylenol isn't working.

We managed to get through the night and head back to ER this morning after I drop the girls at school. They can definitely tell he is in a lot of pain, so right off the bat they give him an IV with fluids and morphine and draw some blood. A while later they came back and inform me that his white blood count is 21- too high typically for just a virus. Even though he didn't have a horribly sore throat, the doctor decided to do a strep test to rule that out and then if that was negative we would look at "other concerns". After what my family went through with Samantha and her cancer, it is my biggest fear so of course my blood ran cold. I did my best to put on a brave face for my son but inside I was screaming, "Not my son!". Unfortunately I know too well that bad things don't just happen to other people anymore, and that lightning CAN strike the same family over and over. I think the doctor understood this and she could do nothing to reassure me yet.

One of the longest hours of my life waiting for that test result.

THANKFULLY- she came running into the room an hour later with a smile on her face and said excitedly "It's strep!". I believe her fears were the same as mine because the mutual relief between us was pretty palpable. Another hour of IV antibiotics and more waiting for this and that and after 6 hours in a 6x6 cell- I mean blessedly private room (a rare commodity in the ER)- we were free to go with prescriptions for Tylenol3, Penicillin, and Motrin in hand.

Tonight the boy is resting comfortably, playing his DS while the girls stay away so they don't get his germs and I am resting too, still riding the little bit of high leftover from my special tweet last night, waiting for the People's Choice Awards.

Oh also I sort of kind of found out when my husband is coming home, but it wasn't good enough news to make my day better, so, whatever to that.

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Every day. Every day.

So I am told I need to blog every day. I'm also doing a 365 day photo project and I've found that things I am supposed to do every day make it that much less desirable to do them. However I've ALSO found that if I DON'T do them every day, like exercise, the next thing I know 6 months has gone by and I'm thinking, shit has it really been that long?

Therefore, here I am. Talking to crickets.

Speaking of crickets, I really am interested in learning what that game entails. On twitter probably a good half of the people I follow are from UK and I sincerely WANT to know what they are talking about but so much of it is about their sports, and I'm bad enough at following American sports! I don't know though, that country has always fascinated me, I'm in love with it even though I've never been (hopefully this year will change that!) and I am enjoying learning from my new UK twitter friends what different things mean. It can get pretty confusing. The other day someone I follow was talking about a man having a row with his dog. Naturally, the mental picture created for me was a lovely little stroll down a riverside with a man in a boat taking his dog down the river. It has been since explained that no, the man was more likely screaming at the dog. Totally different picture. I am very much enjoying this.

Well I suppose that's enough for now. Take care, my crickets, until tomorrow.


Love is a ridiculous, silly, tricky thing. When we get married, we picture ourselves growing old with a person, sitting on the front porch in our matching rocking chairs, him reading the paper, her knitting or arranging flowers or doing some "old lady" activity. We imagine our lives together, how it will be having kids, grandkids, taking vacations, all the normal "growing old together" dreams, right? Problem is that seldom happens anymore.
I've been married 14 years. Got married at 21 and immediately (literally within days) began our family, having four children over the next five years. It didn't take me long to realize that all that crap we fantasize about when we get married is just that... a fantasy. Yes it can really happen but most of the time we don't think about the pain and struggle it takes to get there. We also don't look at the old couple holding hands walking into the store and think "I wonder how many marriages they had before this" but in reality chances are more than one. But we don't think about those things because we see what we want to see.
I've been married nearly 14 years. Sometimes I love it and am so happy we have outlasted both our parents marriages and feel good about giving the kids a stable childhood- but really that's what we let people see. The reality is, we fight more often than we don't, making up NEVER involves the bedroom, and my kids have moved probably 10 times already. We don't see our families almost ever, we make friends in new places just to leave them, I am a single mom every other year, and it is VERY difficult. For the past 9 months my relationship with my husband has been based on a few text messages here and there and a 15 minute phone call once a month if I'm lucky. We grow apart, become indifferent, sincerely don't give a shit, and then something so simple he says can make my hardened heart melt and I'm his all over again.

Now, when he gets home and isn't feeling so nice and turns out he didn't mean it, I may have other things to say.

Monday, January 9, 2012

First Post-new blog. What shall we talk about?

I suppose I should start with an introduction. I'll spare my life story but there are a few things about me that are fairly common knowledge and vital to why I am the way I am and how I became who I am today.

My name is Jen. I'm a married mother of four. So far, perfectly normal right? Nope. Before I became a mom, I became a military wife. That right there says a lot. Being a military wife is ok sometimes, but other times, like the past 8 months while my husband has been in Afghanistan (4 to go), it sucks. We move all the time, can never be near family when there's a health crisis or new babies or weddings or deaths or anything we need to be there for. And when something happens to us, they can't be here for us either. In 1998, just a few months after getting married and having my first baby, we were living in Iceland (love it there, can't wait to go back, another story for another day), my little girl became very ill. We were flown to Washington DC for her to receive care but nothing was good enough and after almost two months in the hospital, she died. It's been 13 years now and I don't cry every day anymore. The past two anniversaries of her death I managed to get through without the usual haunting self-torture I'd grown accustomed to, so I suppose that means it's finally starting to heal a bit.

Let's see what else about me. I have three other kids, two girls and a boy. My girls are performers (one is into music and cheerleading, the other acting and dance). My son is going to be an engineer or something. He's too much of a geek to not grow up to be the boss of some company or other.

I also have a dog, a golden retriever named Sadie. Sometimes I pretend to hate her because as she gets older she is having more problems and every time I turn around she costs me another $1000, but she is part of our family and I'd be lost without her. Also have a cat named Ozzy and he's a huge pain in the butt too but at least he's healthy (so far).

And of course, my husband. He's a soldier in the Army and we have lived all over. We've lived in Iceland, Washington State, California, Texas, and Alaska. California was my favorite for the weather- we lived right on the beach and had dolphins swim past quite often- but least favorite for traffic and rude people. I can't believe how self-absorbed and addicted to "stuff" the people there were.
Washington State will always be my home. I joke that I have webbed feet from all the rain we get there (it's not true but it's funny). I miss it, and my family, terribly. Now I am in Alaska. In January. I shoveled a foot of snow from my driveway this morning and get to do it again tomorrow. In -15F (which is usually not that cold anymore but after 20-30 minutes you can't feel your body parts anymore).

I love to travel. Don't get to do much but as i said I spent a few years living in Iceland and loved it there (aside from the cold, the wind, the dark, and the horrible-tasting ketchup). I have wanted to visit London pretty much since I learned it existed- which was because Davy Jones was from there and I fell hard for him when the Monkees became popular again in the late 80's. Someday I will go there. I also would like to go to Italy and Germany and possibly Norway or Finland- I have friends in Norway so maybe someday I'll get to go visit there.

Well I think that's about enough for tonight. It's almost 2am and the kids have to get up at 7:30 for school, and then I have a tanning appointment (spray- not UV or I'll be the one with cancer). Just started doing that. I've been a paley my whole life and kind of like how a little splash of color makes me feel. :)

OK well nobody's reading this anyway, so... I'll write more tomorrow. (And if you ARE reading this, bookmark it and let me know because once in a while I really do get PROFOUND!)